Of fears and phobias by Rekha Jad

While mulling over and identifying my worst fears of life: Bang! Without any forethought,fear of Mathematics seems to be indelibly etched in my mind.

I have vivid memories of the scare and disdain, I harboured for the subject.I get shudders when I recall those nightmarish math problems and books.I get a feel akin to draconic creatures stinging and spewing their venom on me!

 Those eerie tear jerking nights prior to maths exam,whole household would share my panic and helplessness.Father giving reassurance and mother trying to instill confidence on my flustered and jittery self,but to no avail.

Though my dad tried his level best to inculcate creativity and passion   in me,but my mathematical thinking had taken a back seat.I used to rote the solution and vomit back on the answer sheet.Though attained success by rote in my class tenth, with an honourable seventy five percent,it was a good riddance to maths for ever,I shoved it away from my life.

I am thankful for picking up basic maths like addition,decimal, percentage to help in my measuring in culinary skills, to calculate the discount offered in off season sales.This despise for numerals has shifted the whole onus of tax filing,pay scale comparison,figuring out loans and insurance policies on my intelligent husband,who is no less than a Ramanujan for me!!

The other fear,of which I feel ashamed to confess is my phobia for escalators also known as escalophobia.This engulfed me long back in 2002,when mall culture was emerging,My cousin took me to one of the largest malls in Gurgaon,my toddler son accompanying me. As it was my maiden attempt at electric stairs,perhaps I didn't hold the hand- rail firmly or misjudged the speed of the escalator.Whatever the glitch,the mistiming of my steps  left me tripping and the most embarrassing and uncomfortable scene followed. Me and my son had a fall .Like a typical Indian movie mother,I didn't care  for myself ,I embraced  my son  with a grip as strong as that of octopus, quickly regained my self lest shutterbugs capture this gaffe on my part..

This harrowing negative experience has not allowed me to combat this fear till date. Friends and family have doled out advices and precautions to follow," face forward,hold hand rail firmly,wear comfortable foot wear,avoid luggage," They keep on harping but it turns a futile exercise. After a lot of mental rehearsing,as soon as I get near the escalator,all the side effects of drugs I read in my pharmacology lessons of my medical school instantly engulf me, nausea, vomiting,dizziness, palpitation,sinking, vertigo. I start looking for the stairs or the elevators.I must have broken Guinness book of records for ascending and descending the stairs in malls, hospitals,hotels,airport,metro/ rail station. Amazing work out it is. My family of course has understood my inability to beat this fear,so they cheer me up saying you are not the only one,it's a common thing, Celebrities like rapper Nicki Minaj too has escalophobia.Our own Donald Trump has bathmophobia.No,it has nothing to do with bathing,he is impeccably neat and tidy.It is a fear of stairs and slopes. So here I  am,sharing some thing with these legends.

While this fear hunting  continues,I feel what all humans fear is "Loss".Fear of loosing a beloved one, fear of loss of security,loss of health,loss of wealth,loss of name and fame,loss of power,loss of identity,loss of face. These lurking fears are always there,and we need to conquer these. Brave  is the one who triumphs over fears  not the ones who don't fear.

Is there any silver bullet to beat this beast of fear,as for me I used to pop up my Clonazepam like a candy as soon as I would encounter any anxiety provoking  situation.

Everyone is going Gaga over yoga and meditation to fight life style diseases as well stress related disorders. We have Nadishodana Pranayama,Kapal bhati,Dhanurasana,Shavasana and many more meditative asanas .Let us master our fears on a yoga mat. Next time I am near an escalator,I shall tap into a calm breath and face it with new strength. Rather face every challenge of life with  a positivity ,vim and vigor .But wait!!! Let this stifling , smothering air clear up,I don't want to be a headline ," middle age women lands in ICU  after doing Pranayama!

Till the hazardous air cleans up,pray,chant,have faith and smile.These are time tested  methods of reassurance and support to tame our monkey mind!